My retreat of awakening.

I’ve been trying to think of a way I could possibly explain the phenomenon inside my body and the changes that have taken place since my first retreat, sitting in transformational ayahuasca ceremonies. I feel no words can adequately describe the details of these past couple weeks I’ve spent in ceremony, reflection and striving for evolution.  Gratitude fills my whole being and I pray I can keep it with me always. Instead of trying to explain every sacred detail I will share with you a letter I wrote to my dear mother. This letter is the product of deep healing and expanding of my consciousness facilitated by mother ayahuasca. This letter holds the essence to everything I experienced this past couple weeks and it’s one of the few things I feel I should share at this point. Like Sean mentioned after his retreat, if you would like a more in depth discussion I would love to speak with you one on one. My retreat was full of bonding with beautifully open and vulnerable people, hiking to the Inca ruins in Pisac, standing before the temple of the holly Pacha Momma (the highlight of our excursions in my book!), sitting in ceremonies and more. It was a beautiful experience I pray many other people close in my life and distant will come to know someday too. My heart is full and grateful. My love is ever expanding as we are ever evolving. This medicine ultimately gave me the gift to see myself deep within as who I really am free of layers of ego, conditioning and limiting beliefs. To see my true nature and that of humanity. To feel stronger and deeper then I ever though possible and to realize that all of this already exists inside of me. To give me the consciousness to remember what this teacher plant, vine of the soul, mother ayauhasca has  shown me and consciously choose to practice changing my every day interactions to be in harmony with the awakening inside.  Thank you everyone for your support to our family in this wonderful journey. This letter to my beautiful, ever so loving mother is very dear to my heart in that it holds the words to a true transformation within. I’m thankful for the teachings I heard, healing and medicine that inspired me to write it for I will never be the same.

Dear beautiful Earthly mother,

I’m writing you this letter from the depths of my being. Addressing my childhood, adolescents, adulthood and all my earthly life with you.

I’ve been given a gift here in Peru. A gift to see past my limiting attachments and conditioning. To let go of deep rooted beliefs that may have served me once long ago, served my illusion of survival and preservation. However I can see now that these things no longer serve me. I’ve been in a deep awakening of practice, practice in letting these attachments go. It’s been scary, hard, physically painful, saddening to my core and yet also unbelievably beautiful.

Mother I want you to know that within this body that I posse, not one single ounce of forgiveness is waiting to be given you, for not one ounce of forgiveness is needed. Rather my body, my spirit my sole, my higher self and vibrations are all in perfect harmony of feeling for you my dear mother. That feeling is of astounding gratitude.

Thank for absolutely, perfectly taking on the roll of my earthly mother and so flawlessly completing the task of helping mold me into what I’ve become today. Every touch, every word, every interaction and everything I witnessed you do, as my mother has been exactly what I needed. No one else could have done for me what you did, for if it were not you then I would not be me.

Thank you for knowing what trials and triggering I would bring to you and yet still excepting the great task of being my protector and source of learning and love. Thank you for the fierce determination I have burning within to find truth and love in humanity. Thank you for my hands. When I look at them I see you. I see hands that have been beet down by life time and again but have always emerged from the darkness with new wrinkles of strength and compassion. Thank you for letting me experiences all that I have through you. You’ve strengthened me and lit fires within me that would someday burn bright as the sun and light my way to far away places. Places like Peru.

A poem from my heart.

Mother.

Oh beautiful goddess that has sheltered my life,

let me see you, the whole you in beauty and light.

Let the waves of the roaring sea wash over my heart,

That I my hold you close as we begin a new start.

Let me caress your face with hands of peace,

For my foggy eyes have begun to see.

What once was lost far beneath,

 now is found with air to breath.

Thank thee mother for your strength profound,

For you held the hope that I’d be found.

And now I’m here, the clouds have gone,

I see how deeply I’ve been wrong.

Yet standing before me is a mother divine,

Who only see’s my heart inside.

Tears of joy poor from my face,

for you I’ve searched every place.

Yet no where far or in the stars above,

But already within me this gift of love.

Let me come back meek and mild,

into your arms akin to a child.

Let us go now together as one,

a mother, a daughter into the sun.

~~~

Mom. Thanks again for being you. I know so deeply and profoundly now that every single thing I experienced as child weather it be good or bad was already written to be my path and so beautifully orchestrated through you just as it should in order for me to be who I am. For that mom I’m truly grateful. And now the rest of life I’m writing or rewriting myself. I’m finding that through the gifts you shared with me I’m wonderfully creative and able to call in the happiness I seek. I know who I am more and more and I’m able to now pass that on to my children as well. This journey of life is so beautiful and endlessly evolving. Each day I change a little and each day I feel closer to who created me. Thank you for supporting this move to Peru since the very moment I mentioned it. You have been my rock and I hope now you can feel my love for you as deeply as I know you love me.

With love, light and song~ Your daughter Rachelle.