Just me the kids and our trusty spanish dictionary.

Before we left Utah a wonderful woman I’ve never met named Kelly, saw my moving sale ad’s and came to buy a shelf and some lamps. When she asked why I wasn’t taking these things with me on the move, I told her because we are moving to Peru and selling these things is part of what will help us go. She looked very intrigued and asked why Peru? I was vague in my response, not even really sure how to explain it anyway. After poking and prodding a few more times she got me to come more directly out with the main objective, being the spiritual and plant healing we are so drawn to learning about through the native shamans. A huge smile came over her face when she proceeded to tell me that she is just returning from living in Peru for 7 years apprenticing a shaman in the jungle. My mouth dropped as I let out a heavy breath of joy as my eyes looked upon her in disbelief! This is one of the undeniable moments where we felt heavenly parents mother and father were placing people in our path who were in line with our needs and intentions. Kelly said, “you must call me, I would love to help you navigate your trip!” From that day on I have met with and been in a contact with her. She introduced me to a wonderful group of other Americans taking a trip to Peru for the very same reasons for 2 weeks in January. Right when we will be there! I had the incredible opportunity to attend a meditative “sit” with these people in Utah and have my eyes opened to many of the beautiful opportunities this work has in store for us, which further stirred up passion for the tip. I was able to meat Lynn a beautiful, delightful woman in charge of the retreat heading to Peru in January. She was so open and encouraging of our journey. I’m truly grateful to Kelly with all my heart for stepping  foot in my home that day and being so willing to take me under her wing and share her time, knowledge and love for this work with me and my dear family. She has lead us to such great people who we feel safe with. Sean has had the incredible opportunity to participate in the retreat Lynn has organized and has left for this first 10-days with them in the highland jungle.  He took a flight from Lima Peru to Chiclayo to meat up with everyone and study with a woman Shaman they have been being taught by for years. What an amazing opportunity for Sean! We thank the heavens and earth for putting us in such honest and deeply devoted hands. We expect Sean home the night of February first.  Here's a few fun photos from a trip to the beach we took right before Sean left for his retreat. 

Sean was embarrassed that I put Pax in a diaper speedo! I thought he looked stinking cute!!!

Top left and right are Julio and Tarrissa who are the married couple that own where we live.

So here I am, kids are deep asleep for their afternoon nap as I sit Indian style, computer in my lap sipping my daily cup of joe as I try to enjoy the only quiet time I get in a day. Only damper on this normally peaceful time is this nagging feeling of loneliness that is like no other loneliness I’ve ever felt. I knew I would miss Sean while he’s away in the jungle for 10 days with little communication and even feel lonely amongst my three crazy kids. But this, this is despairing. I’ve been alone with out Sean many times when he went weeks on business trips and always had my go-to activates for the kids and I during those times. But this is totally different. I’m alone in a foreign country still learning to navigate my own neighborhood.  I can’t just pick up the phone and call my mom or big sister because I’m board and would like to speak something other than baby talk. I can’t order my favorite sushi take out as a bit of comfort food. I cant rent a movie and curl up on the couch with caramel popcorn while the kids sleep. We’re living in a house that almost solely speaks Spanish. I step out the front door and take in a deep breath of preparation for stepping into the unknown each time. Nothing feels familiar, nothing feels like home and the only part of me that is familiar in this sea of faces I've never seen is Sean. We only have each other to lean on in this country. With him gone I feel the wait of the world baring down. Even though I know we’re safe and all is well, my eyes will swell up in tears when I think about how much I need him. He’s my strength and comfort. My home is where he is and when he’s not here it can feel like I have no home at all. I find myself less able to cope with the demands of the children and begin to project a negative attitude, which then shifts their feeling of well being and further throes us all off balance into and angry mess. Yet I continue to hold back the tears and remember that this must be part of the journey. I wanted this and I wanted to experience every part, even the loneliness. I must learn to be at peace within myself even in what feels like solitude.

After a day or two of feeling this way off and on I received a comment on my last blog post that in the end read, “ I don’t know if you are in the 10 days by yourself now, but you can do this. You my friend are MIGHTY!!!! Weep when you must, rest when you can, rejoice when you feel it, call on God & nature for strength and healing, laugh, pray & hope, and know that you are loved.”~ Juli Lazare

The moment I started to read this I began to cry. It was as if I was waiting for the permission to show how overwhelmed I am at times. It felt so good, so refreshing to finally release. I also realized that yes this is all part of the journey and tears are meant to be shed. Holding them in goes against all that I already believe about healing. By not acknowledging my pain, feeling it, letting it out and laying it at the feet of my heavenly parents and the universe to be healed, I continue to disservice my children and myself.  I’m so grateful for the love that I truly felt flow through me as I read this comment. Thank you so very much Julie for the uplifting support and reminder of what I must do.  

Causing my eyes to dry is the smile that curls up my face when I think of what Sean is doing right now. My heart is overflowing with love that I pray he can feel from afar. I pray his first experience at the retreat in Chicklyo Peru will open his eyes to something beautiful and awakening to every cell in his body. I pray he can detach from the modern world and become one with nature and all her beauty, healing and answers she has to offer. I hope he connects deeply with the native people around him and the other Americans ho have traveled great distances for this experience as well. I’m overcome with anticipation of the stories he will bring home to tell. This is only the beginning and I hope it’s the door opening to what Sean has been envisioning.

While Sean’s been gone the kids have made a routine we carry out each day. As soon as they wake (always way to early, 6:30 am) they eat something (lately oatmeal and rice milk) and play around the house for a few hours as I seriously struggle to gain enthusiasm and energy. It’s a nightmare trying to keep them quiet enough not to wake the rest of the house, however most every one here does love the kids and have told me the crying is “no problem”; and Sean did tell them during negotiation that sometimes the babies cry and are loud. I mean I don’t always appreciate the loud late night partying some of the adults around here either, so I guess we’re even. Which by the way we have concluded that Julio is a wonderful man and has a good heart, while Tarrasa the wife seems to be angry much of the time, disconnected from her family and drinks every morning, noon and night. I don’t know what’s at the root of her pain and she does probably have a very good heart too. We pray she will find peace and we are grateful for her kindness and love to the kids. It’s interesting when you stay with a family long enough you start to see what they are great at and what they struggle with. One thing they are great at is always kindly welcoming us as we come and go, giving little treats to the kids and always offering to help out. I'm sure they also have a few of their own thoughts on what I struggle with daily. In any case they seem to except me in my weaknesses and love our family non the less, as we do them. 

Anyhow around 10:00 I turn on a cute kid yoga video off you tube. Zara and I giggle as we try to fallow along. Pax comes in and out of the action as he jumps from bed to bed and try’s to distract Zara. After a few minutes of that, I always forget to put their essential oil “On Guard” on their feet (but sometimes I do remember) and we start getting ready and loaded up for our daily visit to the bakery. Zara and Pax always pick out a chocolate chip muffin and a small sandwich. The people at the café bakery always light up when they see Pax and Zara! Pax and Zara light up to because the workers have made a habit of handing them small treats and samples. We take our little sack of goodies to a small pavilion across the street from where we stay. Sharing the goodies we eat and play on the benches and run circles in the grass until the kids are good and ready for a nap around 12:00.

One thing this hot, humid weather has oddly helped with is the kid’s sleep! They’ve taken long deep naps here, better then they ever did at home. I can count on at LEAST 2 hours most days and many times longer! After naps we mope around the house a while until I get us all loaded back up (Rowen in the back pack on my chest, and the other two sharing the stroller, one in the seat, and one sitting on the handle bars on top. We are so thankful that the stroller was so generously loaned to us buy a stranger who saw us backpacking all three around! We take a long 5-bock  (blocks are massive here) walk to the grocery store Vivanda for some lunch and breakfast items like bananas, oatmeal and yogurt for the next morning. I'm also so thankful for two beautiful women who live here in our house who take such an intrest and love in the kids. Cici and Rudy have both, numourouse times, assisted me on walks to the park or grocery store, chased the kids around and helped feed them. Zara and Pax love them like family and will even go them for things they need or comfort after skinning their knee. I'm blessed to have such sweet women in my life while Sean is away.

Beautiful Rudy and the kids at the bakery enjoying some muffins and juice. 

Wonderful, lovely Cecilia (cici), has been at my side sense the day Sean left! WE love her dearly.

The greatest blessings this trip has bestowed so far is on the beloved pallet of Pax. Anyone who’s close to us knows the extreme pickiness of my little munchkins and especially that of Pax! In Utah the little buggers preferred drinking EVERY MEAL! Fresh juice, green drinks in the morning, oatmeal, avocado, spinach, and yogurt smoothies in the afternoon, and just a variation of those two again at night. In between meals fussing for more Sippy cups as I tried to get them to eat something solid! All be it, those things are very healthy but too much of one thing is never good. We researched it and knew that in order to maintain healthy gut and digestion they need the chewing motion to produce the saliva that helps digestion and other things. Anyhow they would eat organic mac&cheese or pizza and the usual kid treats, but organic or not those things don’t offer a lot of nutrition. Fast forward to suddenly plopping down in a new country with NO sippy cups, blender or juicer, and what do you have hiding beneath the pickiest tongue ever? A world class, fabulously hungry and diversitiesed eater named PAX!!! The kid will literally eat anything we put in front of him! Fruit, vegetables  meat, chicken  rice, grains, you name it! Thank the heavens, earth and animals for this much needed blessing. Some of our favorite foods at the moment are the mouth-watering beef Empanadas, flavored rice’s and ridiculously, tasty bananas. This is photo of a fruit cart a little lady bikes around with where we buy our fabulous bananas! Hopefully they will still enjoy green smoothies when we get back as well as keep their liking for a wide variety of interesting foods. 

Rowen is enjoying trying solids! Go baby led weening! 

Back to the daily routine...on our way home we pass the house and head straight for the beach & park to play the afternoon away. Zara and Pax effortlessly make friends with Peruvian kids initiating chasing and running up and down the hills with laughter and body language. One thing I have to say was fun at first is the celebrity status we have literally every where we go in public. I'm not even slightly exaggerating when I say we are stared at every walk, the whole time, everywhere we go, every single day.  At first I tried to appease the many staring eyes and whispers with every person I made eye contact with. I had a permeant smile on my face coupled with a non-stop nodding motion of the head. As people motion a circle with their hand, then said "tes!!!?", and then pointed at me, I would answer to the obviouse question and even more obvious answer, "Yes, see, see, all tres (three) babes are mine'. Actually No they aren't mine, I walk children like people walk dogs, but only white ones. They go home to their owners when we are done. Would you like to pet them?

In the month that we have been here, I haven't 

spotted not one red head in addition to Pax. I think for most Peruvians a red head only exists on the television or in magazines. Then suddenly to ones utter shock, behold yet a beautiful, curly head of RED hair, attached to an astonishingly handsome little boy, standing LIVE, in the flesh before you. I guess that would be part of why people are coming up wanting to take pictures of us daily. Some people even bust out camera phones and snap away without even asking! Pretty weird the first couple times. As they do so Pax eggs them on as he smiles and waves. People walk right up and touch Rowens face (we all know that's a pet peeve of mine) and fawn all over her. Well I will admit that she is the perfection of infancy, with her dark hair, big brown eyes and chubby body, tossing out smiles like the happiest baby in the world. All the ooo's, aw's and touching are meaningly harmless and all but honestly it's exhausting being stared at for 10 minnites at a time in the park. Every move I make with the kids, sitting snacking on the grass, breaking up a coral between Z and P or just playing, all feeling like people are burning holes in my back. I want to yell out in Spanish "YES one is an adorable RED head, one is a BEAUTIFUL blond, and one is a SWEET infant...AND Yes, we are American. But for the love, PLEASE, PLEASE stop staring, at least not for so dang long!" Zara on the other hand has discovered a taste for acting. She adorably and very over dramatically, tilts her head, smiles, and puts on an ever so charming act of sweetness for people we pass. Older women MELT, men laugh and and people of every age and type stop to speak with her. She absolutely loves every single second of it. However, I think next time a stranger asks to take a photo of my children or procedes to without permission, I'm going to ask them to stop and pose a moment while I take a few snap shots of them. I mean, I'm in the city with normal and modernized people. I didn't think we would be such a spectacle here. I wonder if this is how some of the villagers feel in rural areas and small towns of Cuzco or the Sacred Valley, where we are headed next. At least when I fascinate over them I will first ask to take a photo of their fascinating faces and lifestyles. I'll also offer them a sole (dollar) or two for kindly obliging me (making me appreciative and indebted to them for the memories we will cherish) in this request. It's important to be respectful and generous to the indigenous people in the ways we can as they are to us visitos in the way they can. 

I must add that as I have felt the way I described above another part of me, the greater part, the part of me that comes from my heart, is ever so grateful and relived to be adorned by these kind people. We are continually welcomed with kindness and joyful curiosity. I'm so grateful that this beautiful country receives my little gringo family with loving, generous open arms. We're treated kindly and adorned by many. This truly is a gift to us and especially the children  as well as a huge comfort to our anxieties of being in a foreign land. People seem to nicely tollerate my horrible lack of Spanish speaking skills and offer to help me, give me their spot in the grocery line or try to make a fussing child smile all in times of need. These small blessings are a ginormouse help at times and its all thanks to the big hearts people seem to have here. Peruvians seem to be just as family oriented as we are used to at home, if not more so. They delight in the joys of children, fabulous food (which we have only begun to discover), and greet each other and strangers everywhere they go. I truly am so happy to be here and I'm so looking forward to delving deep into the indigenous cultues and people of Cuzco, the Andes and Sacred Valley where we are headed next. 

Just finding some cool bugs and moths at the park.

Ok I am finally back on the subject that originated, the daily routine. By the time we get back from the park, I’m as exhausted as the kids are, and that’s the point I guess. We take showers, flip the laptop open to watch one of the four movies we have to choose from as I feed the kids dinner. We pray (I forget again, to put the oils on them. I must fix that!) And hit the sack by 9 most nights. Many times our nightly routine is interrupted by all the many passerby’s (meaning the friends and family of the owners) coming through the house all the time that want to see the babies! They all fawn over them like they’ve never seen a baby before. Zara and Pax love it, normally dancing and putting on a show to witch they are cheered BRAVO, BRAVO repeatedly! I don’t mind it except on those occasions where I’m just so done that I cant wait ten more seconds to rangn them in and put them to bed. Something I’ve yet to work into the daily routine is a 15 minute meditation time for myself. I suppose I should sacrifice that time during my computer time as the kids nap. It wouldn’t really be a sacrifice if I could gain the many known benefits from this spiritual ritual and connection daily. I will report back when I’ve taken that step.

Since Sean has been gone, Julio asks me daily if I’m ok? I’m grateful he’s here and I know he means it when he says to come to him for anything. I don’t have any reservations about hm. He plays with the kids in such a fun spirited way that Zara almost thinks he’s her Peruvian granddad. She’s always asking, “where’s Zumba” the nickname she made up for him in her own made up Spanish language. I tell her Julio is outside, and she begs me to take her out to play with him. Pax is right on the same level as Zara in wanting to brake out of our room all the time so people can sing and play with them in words they don’t even understand yet. It’s the feeling that they love. Roewn feels safe as can be, still nursing like a champ and happy to be along for the ride.

We all miss Sean but it’s worth the small wait. Even though we have little contact with him we know he’s in good hands doing great things and we will soon bask in his love and stoires from the jungle.

A mugging last night and letting go of fear.

Around 2:30 a.m. last night, I was somewhat falling back to sleep after Pax had woken and crawled into my bed. Suddenly I heard the quick opening of a door outside and running footsteps hitting the pavement. I wasn't sure if it was the door to our house or something else but people had been coming and going from here all night. It definitely got my attention when a man started to yell loudly. A few seconds later is was as if a few men were now yelling and fighting angrily right out side. As they screamed their voices trailed as if they were in motion moving further away as the scrapple ensued. I hit Sean to wake up, which he was already doing, as I jumped out of bed. Pax had sat straight up and Sean's first words were "shell be the calm one". I knew he was speaking in regards to Pax. Sean didn’t want me suddenly freaking out, getting scared and causing some unnecessary scene of in front of Pax. Even though I wouldn’t have done that, it did remind me to take my energy down a level and cautiously wait. Seconds latter Teresa was flying down the hall near our room slamming doors shut on her way  out the front door and tall walled gate, yelling viciously in Spanish. We knew that people here had been drinking because we could here them. I wasn’t sure if what I just heard had to do with people in our house or outside. My heart was racing. Teresa ran back in the house with a man I've never seen, and then back out again with the man, husband and daughter. They were all out front rambling on loudly. I’ve never wished I could understand Spanish more. A few minutes latter they came back in the house and were looking in one of the rooms of another younger guy that lives here. I stepped out and asked, "what’s going on?"  "It's ok Rachelle" they quickly snapped a few times. I was not relived in any sense. I looked at Paloma who can speak pretty good English and she repeated "I'st ok". Teresa motioned to go back to my room. I did so telling Sean they sad it was fine. But I was not fine and I felt I deserved to know what’s going on if we are staying here with our children.  In Sean’s words, I power walked it right back out there to find out. Paloma explained to me that her uncle had just been robbed by a group of men. "He was hit over the head with "gun" and they took everything from him" she said. I said, "HERE?"  She promptly replied, "No in the street". A few minutes latter the street was swamped with cops and an ambulance. Palomas father tried explaining to me that so many cops were unnecessary, they all just wanted see the action and take pictures. Apparently from the looks of it, the mugging started relatively close to our walled gate, and ended across the street in front of another Hostil. Today Paloma told us that her uncle is the owner of the Hostil across the street and that he will be fine. Sean and I suspect they were all up late drinking and he obviously got mugged leaving, if he was even here in the first place, we aren’t sure. I'm also not sure what they were doing looking in our neighbor’s room across the hall. 
So here we are in one of the safest places by day but apparently all bets are off at night. In any case we think there was late night drinking that was involved, which we obviously won’t be doing as well as going out late.

My mother asked me if I had pepper spray a few days ago. I assured myself that by the end of today I would. However here lies my greatest hurdle to over come; striking the balance that lies between calling in what you want out of life by not indulging your fears, yet staying cautiously aware and prepared, still without projecting your fears. Throughout my life I’ve heavily leaned more toward the fearful side as far as believing that danger lay’s around every corner and that someone is just waiting to attack you. I've been working on that with Sean’s positive encouragement for years and made huge progress in letting go. However through the gateway of fear, I still indulge some imaginary sense of control, to ridiculous levels that don’t seem to ever truly serve me in the end. Not only do I want to lead a less fearful life that inhibits me of my true potential for myself but I desperately dream of it for my children. Here is an excerpt from another family travel blog that helps explains this in simple terms.

"Flash forward to the present and almost every news story is encouraging fear. All the recent shootings and violence throughout the US keep us scared, worried, and in a constant state of reacting to things through emotion alone. The thing that most people do not realize, what I didn’t realize for a long time, is that through fear we are easier to control. We also lose who we were meant to be, and we do not follow the life path we were on as children.

When we hold onto fear or instil it in our children it fundamentally changes who we are, who they are.

Most parents I know, me included sometimes, use fear to control our children. Usually it is in the name of safety but a lot of times it stretches far beyond safety and more towards just getting our children to do what we want. It works..sometimes…in the short term! But is it worth it? Is it worth scaring our children, making them fearful, and capable of being controlled through their emotions?
I don’t think that it is. My youngest 2 sons have always been daredevils, scaring people where ever we go. And I am sure some people look at my reaction to the things they do and wonder where I am, why I am not yelling at them, demanding they stop doing x, y and z, and to be more careful. I understand this mentality and sometimes I am gritting my teeth and holding my proverbial tongue because as a mom I am petrified and do not want anything bad to happen to them….EVER! 

But just when I am about to yell,” be careful”, I think, what is worse, a broken arm or a crushed spirit? Is it worse overall for their lives to have a cut that needs stitches or to be crippled by fear? A concussion or the feeling that your parents do not believe in you and so the belief in yourself wanes?

I my opinion, the latter of each is far worse, especially in the long run. I do not want my children’s actions to be controlled by fear..EVER! For when they allow themselves to be controlled by fear anyone can control them, push them towards unhappy choices, and throw them off the path they were destined to be on. A cut heals, a broken arm sets and bruises fade, but it is nearly impossible to reverse those fearful thoughts and images that we are conditioned to accept as reality as children." -BOHEMIAN TRAVELERS

So here we are trying to free ourselves and our children from the social conditioning of always assuming the worst. Though I dont think its nearly impossible to change such thinking, it does take a lot of determination and work. Believing that someone else’s experiences, in no way have to be yours, can be hard but it's necessary to separate other peoples paths from your own. Why not try assuming the best outcome with no thought or energy put into the "what if?" Feel it as if the best outcome is already in motion and whiteness it being created as you continue align yourself with your highest energetical self and consciousness. The works of Dr. Wayne Dyer have hugely influenced Sean and I in trying to assume this new way of thinking. To read more about this type of thing just look up: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Wishes Fulfilled.

LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.

Part of this whole journey other then the shamanic spirituality and plant healing, is in leaving our comfort zone and putting this new mind set in continuous, argues practice. "If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness". We're both feet, all in, plunging into the unknown with wide open hearts and minds to receive what ever it will teach us. In what better way could we fully let go of our fears, social norms, and habits of complacency, than to thrust ourselves into a new world? By doing so we hope to free space in our consciousness for greater expansion and growth. Exist in a place where we force ourselves to be a stranger and adapt, to trust in the universe and most of all to heal and hopefully reach depths within far deeper then we knew excised, allowing us to be the greatest examples possible of peace and love to our beloved children.

We pray everyday for the guidance we need and angels to surround us in this endeavor.  Until next time I will end with this inspiring quote, "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow mindedness." -Mark Twin. If for no other reason to our families adventures here in Peru, let travel be a path to healing these things within us.